Personal Entry- Love Revisited

Something is going on that I cannot quite explain. Scarlet seems worried, almost frightened of me. I am over-joyed to see her yet she is fretting about something. Yesterday was a great day. Scarlet came to my house in Hendola as I was finishing my bath. I wonder what the red hue to the water is from? Perhaps my fountain has developed rust in places…I will have to get this cleaned. It was odd, she ran out as if she were intruding. Intruding in my house? Maybe she is not used to being out and about yet. How quickly she forgets *smile*

I ASKED HER TO STAY AWAY. SHE IGNORED AND HAD TO POKE. SHE WILL BE POKED BACK, WE ARE NOT READY YET. THE PAIN AND HATE IS CONTAINED. BE CONTENT WITH WHAT IS LEFT. YOU DO NOT WANT TO KNOW ME. FEEL FORTUNATE THAT I DO NOT WANT MY SELF TO BE KNOWN.

I was able to show Scarlet my Aurilian Plants. She is the only other person besides myself and Avios that have witnessed their growth. She commented on my hall being a bit clinical, she said it was nice, but very Imperial. *grin* Of course it is…with such a strong Imperial presence in the area the Empire will never give the Temple a second thought. She wandered downstairs and peeked in some of my storage containers. I had to chuckle as she turned around with a shocked look and asked what I was going to do with all of this? Start my own city? *laugh* Never would I take that monster on my shoulder again…

Personal Entry- Crossroads??

Lately I find the time, desire, or motivation to submit entries to this journal lacking. Too much is happening right now in my life that sitting and writing just does not seem like an appropriate priority. I decided to fight my way up the ranks like any other grunt in Imperial Navy. I have gone from Sergeant to Warrant Officer, 2nd Class in a matter of weeks. It seems the higher command appreciates the carnage one can provide. Frankly, I appreciate the peace that creating such carnage provides me. No longer are my thoughts consumed by my failures. The more I think on it, I come to realize that Scarlet was only the most recent one in a long line of debacles. Perhaps I should just stay out of peoples’ lives.

First there was Ebe. She accidentally became pregnant, then unbeknownst to us, our child was taken. We recovered the child, but the wake of destruction that my rage left behind will surely catch up to me at some point. Ebe and I crossed paths much later, and fell in love again. My duty to that godforsaken city pulled me from my duties as a husband and I lost her.

Then Mystyn came into my life. She was a doctor in the city who, as it turns out, was a slave, still being persecuted. One aspect of the Empire I do not agree with is slavery. A hunting party was formed and we quickly, and repeatedly sent her tormentors to the cloner. Soon after, she was struck down with a childhood ailment. We were never able to find a cure. I did everything within my power to save her, but it was all for naught.

Gods, and now Scarlet. I cannot imagine two souls any more different than we are. Yet, I am drawn to her in a way I thought was impossible. Recalling how I first met her…a small huddled child of a woman, Kimbrya was being held in Imperial custody. There was something about this woman, there was a strength about her…It was through her that I met Scarlet…a wild animal of a woman: young in heart but old in mind and spirit. I love that about her. She has helped me grow as much as I have helped her. She has trusted me with her heart and her body and I have failed her by hurting her. I lost control of my hunger and she was hurt. I betrayed her trust and her love. What is left for us? Can I regain her trust? Should she be with a more kindred spirit like Deomo?

A human imperial and a rebel Zabrak…A deadly covert psy ops agent and a pure spiritual soul of a temple…Is this destined to be pure balance or pure chaos?

Personal Entry- Fate's Slap Across the Face

I peaked around the corner, my DX2 pointing along the wall behind me, ready to cover my backside. Keren is not normally this quiet. Residents quickly turned and scurried away from me as the saw me. They knew why I was here…

My gaze focused on my target, my mind clearing from the random musings. Now is not the time for that. Now is the time for justice. My right arm shifted in front of me, placing the patrol captain in my sights. I fired. The charged bolt of acid sped towards my victim and found its mark. The captain staggered, looked around confused…I approached him with a slow, careful stride. I smirked at him as I raised my pistol to his head.

“Leave my town.”
*Feral*

The rest of the patrol came running at the sound of my firing. Around the corner they came running, skidding to a halt at the sight before them: their captain lying at my feet, staring at them with dead eyes, and half of his skull missing. I smirked at them…

“Who’s next?”
*Bloodlust*

They broke and ran. Unfortunately for the scared troopers, they ran right into Slice. I sat back and watched the carnage, taking careful aim at the exposed arm or leg. Who’s to say Slice is the only one that can toy with his prey?

*wicked grin*

As Sliced bathed himself, and I holstered my DX2, my thoughts returned to the recent turn of events…My…failures…My recent duties…Perhaps I have over extended myself. Perhaps I have been following the wrong calling and should relegate myself to the role of a simple soldier. My offensives on bases have proven my ability in head on combat. This, this trip to Keren…Is not even for duty. The Imperial recruiter called me late one evening saying the rebels had overrun the city. With Scarlet still with Narheen due to my negligence, I geared up and took a shuttle to Keren, the first city I arrived in when I first landed on Naboo. This was as close of a hometown as I will ever know. I will take it back…

The anger turned to shame as images of Scarlet on the floor of my sorosub filled my mind. She clutched her belly as waves of pain washed over me from the bond, where, so recently before, the feelings from her were hunger, pleasure, lust, love…There was blood on both of us. It was her blood…caused by my foolishness… my carelessness. I failed her, her daughter Meela, and Deomo…And everyone else that is dependent upon her. The Temple, Frysheka…I failed them as well…Gods, what ever made me think I could possibly take this on my shoulders? I have finally been forced to open my eyes to what I am: an over confident man that should relegate himself to the duties of a simple solider. I guess I should thank Fate for the hard lesson.
*chuckle*

Personal Entry- Weakness to the Feral

Why is a covert agent reviewing the security of a temple converted into a base? Why am I tasked with such things on Yavin 4? I approached the temple as I felt Scarlet rise from a sleep on Dantooine. She reached out to across the bond *smile* I need to wrap this up so I can see her, it has been too long…Much, much to long. Speeding back to the starport I was struck with a feral scream across the bond…rage, fury, bloodlust…Gods what is she doing? I called to her and received a disoriented response. I urged her to stay in the medical center until I arrived. Speeding off in my tie to Dantooine, I ran into the medical center to see her calmly sitting on the bed. A few places of her armor were scorched, but not with a laser weapon…I looked at her exposed skin…a few hits it seems, but not burned…they felt cold…Ah!! Pirates and their SG82 rifles…She did not seem to be in too much pain, her injuries were minimal, especially for a Zabrak. I reached under her padded armor to lift her shirt slightly so I could inspect her stitches. Perfect…no damage.

I wanted to show her Theed while I could escort her. Stormtroopers can be made to turn the other way, however if she were to go alone…Scarlet needed to see the occupation so she could be prepared for it. When we landed I was greeted with laser fire from a Rebel Sniper. *sigh* I pulled out my DX2 and charged him. I knocked him down with my pistol and told him to stop. He would not stop struggling and fighting. I raised the pistol and took aim at his head.
I am sorry your duty has caused you to be foolish…

I ran back to the Starport to see Brem. Scarlet was excitedly talking to him. The errant rebel came by and tried to attack us. Brem and I quickly showed them why they should leave us be. Scarlet was not happy. There were too many people so we went to the cantina. Wow, again, too many people for Scarlet this quick after being cooped up. We stepped outside and then it hit me…

Her smell…but she was not there. Standing before me was Highway. *feral* I felt the hair on my neck bristle. Her scent is on this ranger…

*Max?*

I snapped out of something I had not felt for awhile. The feral bloodlust wanted to consume me. I looked down and noticed my trigger finger was stroking my sidearm. I fought for control, for focus. I could hear Highway and Scarlet speaking but do not know what they said.

*Maxell what is it? She must live her own life.*

*feral*

If he harms her…

*I know, I fear for his life should he ever harm her*

No, not his life…his friends, his family…his guild…Will all die!! I will leave him alive to suffer in the death that was caused by his carelessness. All their blood will be on his hands!!

*shiver*

They were talking again. Scarlet said let’s leave and we parted. Gods what came over me? A scary part of my mind opened up and let loose a flood of emotions across the bond, radiating outward for all to sense.

We went to the starport and boarded my sorosub. Silence, beautiful silence…no scents, no sounds besides our own. I began to shrug off my battle armor. Scarlet stood before me. We spoke of my actions, I apologized for my weakness. We went into the main room and spoke, standing face to face. Something touched me from the bond, a...hunger…*shock* It had been so long…Scarlet, the feelings, the bond, the love…my hunger…I stepped away intent on taking her upstairs to the observation deck. My sudden withdraw shook her from her state. She was embarrassed and shocked at herself. Scarlet, it has been so long for you, for us…

We went upstairs and looked at the beauty before us. She stared out into space at the shimmering stars and nebulas. I stared at the soft curves of her body and her face as the starlight danced across it. Sensing me close to her she turned and we embraced. Gods it has been so long…her touch on my flesh, her lips to mine…the hunger consumed us both…kisses, soft bites, the tight grip of passion surrounded us.

*PAIN!!*

The wave of pain washed over me from the bond. Gods what has happened to her?!?! I slowly withdrew my tight embrace from her…Kark…blood…I got up and began frantically putting on clothing. I told her to try to do the same that I was flying her back to Dantooine and Dr. Narheen. She was upset at our foolishness, as was I. It was stupid of me. I am stronger then that. I should have known. I should not have lost myself to my desires. I failed her…Dammit I failed her.

Personal Entry- Duty Calls, I Must Answer

I should have left the comm. off but as of late, certain events have me concerned. Theed was overrun by rebels briefly, and as I was passing through earlier, Vader himself landed in front of the starport. He glided from his transport with an air of authority that caused several people I knew to be covert rebels run. The novatroppers dispatched were frightening to most as well. It is unknown who served as a template for those clones. I would be curious to know, perhaps I will look into it.

I answered my comm. to hear the voice of someone that should be my subordinate. Due to my official rank, I am relegated to taking this protie’s orders. I was dispatched to a base to take it out. A base assault, interesting change of pace. Certainly, it is a far cry from the covert ops I normally find myself in. Instead of quietly slicing someone’s throat in an alley, this will be a full assault. I went to a reliable medic and received injections to enhance my endurance. I dusted off my composite armor…*smiles* Blood red…reminds me of the Dance of Death…To see her dance again…soon Tai’Shan, very soon.

A rode my speeder to the coordinates and stopped some distance to call Sloth and a trained Blurg to me. I peered at the base from my prone position on the hillside…hmmm…highest ranking officer: Captain, a lot of privates looking a bit scared…perhaps this is not the first attempt at taking them out. No matter, rank is the first to go…I slowly crawled a bit closer, kneeled and took aim with my Republic Blaster. Dodged…Great, one of those days…Troops came pouring out of the base, all either limping or poorly armed. Damn, three more captains…this may not be as easy as I would have thought. I changed my position, putting a house in between myself and the snipers. That cut my attackers in half. It was me, Sloth, and my blurg against 3 captains, 2 snipers, and about 10 privates that looked scared. My pets took care of them as I focused on the captains. Bodies began piling up around us. Simple…A waste of my time, but simple…After taking them out I circled to the snipers and ended their tour of duties quickly. As I stood over the corpses Zultan approached, an Imperial Commando. We began the base destruction sequence only to discover we were not properly trained to finish the sequence. We needed a Bioengineer to bypass the DNA lock and a bounty hunter to hack the uplink. Kark!! I am not trained for this. Why is my time being wasted on grunt work?

For years I have tried to keep Avios away from the War. Now, perhaps it is time. If I can get him under my command, my concern will be minimal. I can task my pets to guard him and keep my own eye on him at all times. Gods, what will Ebe think? It has been so long since I have seen her. The empire would have recruited him sooner or later and possibly, discovered his past. This may be the only chance we have for protecting it, and what I did to save him. Ebe will have to understand. Perhaps she will fight by our side. I know she has been spending time with some ranger acquaintances…Loves? I do not know yet…I can’t deal with that now. She must be able to lead her own life. We made our choice…It is just that…damn…Perhaps some base destruction missions are what I need to clear this from my head.

Personal Entry- On the Mend

Finally…she woke and we were able to talk at length. It was wondrous. For too long have I had to hold the hand of a wounded soul. For too long have I had to hope and pray that Death would overlook this one creature that I hold so dear to me. This evening was the first indication that Scarlet is finally recovering from her long ordeal. The relief washed over me look the first rush of fresh air when you land at a starport and remove your flight helmet. She asked what all she had missed…so much has changed, some good, some…Much, much worse. The war has escalated. Luckily, before she was bed-ridden, she put in paperwork to be put on leave. Thankfully this should afford her the opportunity to travel unfettered.

I bathed her gently, relishing the softness of her flesh once again. Focusing on the task at hand, I tempered the feelings rushing into my mind, our nights on the sorosub…
*smile*
The doctor checked her stitches and said they were clean and were healing nicely. Thankfully, some good news. Her vitals fluctuated as she exerted strength and tried to move. She is still too unstable to get up. She will have to be patient.

Deomo has left to face his Fate with the pendant. Scarlet witnessed a hint of what he has asked me to do should he fail. I did not tell her as she does not need the worry at this time. A Zabrak scout who is an old friend of mine, came to the lab. He took both fingerprint and DNA samples from the incubation tube where Deomo was. It saddened my heart as he wistfully touched the glass. I was pained to see both a troubled father and a man backed into a corner by Fate. My promise to him shot to the forefront of my mind as he touched the glass…An opportunity that cannot be passed up. Should he not come looking for us, we can now go to him.

Personal Entry- Deomo Facing Fate

Sometimes my senses startle me. Gifted or cursed…I have been granted the ability of a heightened perception of most people. Sometimes this manifests in a mental awareness of their thoughts, sometimes it manifests as a sense, a smell…Much like an animal.

Interestingly animals are very in tune with another sentient’s feelings. My cats have often nuzzled me when I have been tired, felt disconnected, or just lost to the world. When Mystyn died, most of my time was spent leaning on Slice and just staring into the stars. She patiently laid there, curled around my shoulders. At times, it appears she acknowledges me with a slight nod of her head…Other times, she has cocked her head to the side as if she was studying my face.

Last night I sensed…smelled something on Deomo. Not only the sense of sickness, which I attribute to the pendant, but there was also something new there. It was not quite fear…close…but that was not it. It was more a feeling of pained acceptance. He knows what he must face, I certainly do…Scarlet...May not be aware of it yet. She does not need something else to worry about. Scarlet is still far from stable. I want her healed and up. Deomo may need her, and I certainly need her. I miss the dance of death, and I am certain she does as well.

*grin*

Deomo and I spoke of Meela as well. Normally, Dr. Narheen would want to manipulate an embryonic Zabrak in her care to avoid the difficulties associated with their species. She has studied a way to permanently correct this sometimes fatal flaw in the Zabrak species. Deomo is adamantly opposed to it. He feels he can either raise her and teach her control, or…I do not know…At times it took both Deomo and I to keep Scarlet in check when she was lost to the feral calling. In Meela, this calling is much stronger. If he should fail in his battle with the pendant…Will Scarlet and I be able to raise her? Will Scarlet’s teachings of the Temple afford her the tools for the level of self control she will need? Unfortunately, I have read of the Zabrak culture and I know what happens to children lost to the feral nature. This I will not do. Undoubtedly, the Empire has its eyes on Meela as well. They will not take her as they took Avios. No matter what it takes…

Personal Entry- Gratitude Fleeting

I wish I could say it is over, but it is not. Meela is safe, but Scarlet is hanging on by a thread. I cling to that thread with all of my being; trying to pull her back. Deomo will soon battle the pendant.

Deomo…kark him and his pendant…We had to wait 10 minutes for him to put away his weapon for safety reasons, and he dares tell me not to threaten? The hate and fear of the situation and the potential loss of his daughter prompted him to threaten any of us that moved. Once Meela was safe, he dares tell me not to threaten Dr. Narheen when she was clearly neglecting Scarlet? Kark him and his priorities. I understand him being relieved at Meela’s stability. My relief would have been noticed if I was not so concerned for Scarlet. He should have the decency and compassion to understand, as much as I have for him.

Every instinct yells at me to take him out of the equation. They always have. Were it not for Scarlet’s feelings for him initially, my realization of his humanity later, and now his love for his unborn daughter…I don’t know. Even I can see the humanity there. It wants to come out. Cauil could barely contain him when he was at his worst. I only hope he can learn to contain himself. If not, my hand will be forced to do so.

*feral*

Journal Entry- Meeting with Fate

Witnessing pain in the eyes of my enemies is something I have, at times, relished. Their suffering is usually earned by their dark actions. As I told the residents of Eden’s Grief as I left, “You reap what you sow.” We are often the cause of our own trials, our actions creating consequences we must face.

With Deomo, this is no longer the case. His actions in fulfilling his duty have no bearing on the pain he is suffering at the hands of the pendant. In his eyes I see the look of a pained man…One that knows there is a fight on the horizon…One that knows the consequences of failure.

He asked me to meet him in the Theed cantina. Once he removed his helmet, his eyes, combined with his pale complexion, indicated a lack of time. Scarlet must undergo the procedure tonight. Meela must be stable, and out of danger for Deomo’s struggle with the pendant. Scarlet must be strong enough to help Meela defend against the pendant itself. However, in actuality, this is not a major concern. I have felt Meela strike out against the pendant. The pendant was…Scared, shocked…she struck out with a pure feral force rooted with the force. Perhaps…perhaps she is Deomo’s only hope.

What of what Dr. Narheen told me? The level of the feral in Meela is dangerously high. In order to ensure survival, she would need Avios to help her manipulate the DNA slightly. If this is done, will Meela be able to defend her father against the pendant? If it is not done will there be any control over Meela?

Kark this conflict…this is not my choice. Deomo must know, Deomo and Scarlet must decide.